What Is My Attachment Style?

Your person hasn't texted back in six hours. What is actually happening in your body right now?

• A. Nothing. I assume they're busy. I am also busy.
• B. I have reread our last conversation four times looking for where I messed up.
• C. Honestly, I hadn't noticed. I've been busy too.
• D. I keep opening the chat and closing it again without typing anything.

Someone you're dating says “I love you” for the first time. Your first instinct is to:

• A. Feel warm and say it back, if it's true for you too.
• B. Feel a flood of relief so big it's almost scary.
• C. Feel a little suffocated, even though you like them.
• D. Feel thrilled for about ten seconds, then immediately brace for it to go wrong.

Be honest. How do you feel about “needing” someone?

• A. Healthy interdependence is the goal. I can need people and still be whole.
• B. I need them the way I need oxygen, and I know that's a lot.
• C. Needing people makes my skin crawl a little, if I'm being real.
• D. I want to need someone so badly, and I also refuse to admit I need anyone.

Your partner wants space for the weekend to hang out with friends. You:

• A. Have a great weekend of your own. See them Monday, ask how it was.
• B. Say it's fine out loud and spend the weekend spiraling internally.
• C. Feel relieved, honestly. Space is my love language.
• D. Encourage them to go, then feel abandoned, then feel guilty for feeling abandoned.

Conflict happens. What's your instinct?

• A. Talk it through, even if it's uncomfortable.
• B. Panic that this is the beginning of the end.
• C. Shut down or leave the conversation until it blows over.
• D. Say something reactive you don't mean, then immediately want to disappear.

Which sentence sounds most like something you'd actually think?

• A. “We're figuring it out together.”
• B. “If I stop paying attention for one second, I'll lose them.”
• C. “I liked things better when it was casual.”
• D. “I want you close. Don't come any closer.”

Your friend describes their new situationship as “hot and cold, but when it's good, it's SO good.” You think:

• A. That sounds exhausting, respectfully.
• B. Say less, I have lived that entire sentence.
• C. Sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama.
• D. I both relate to this deeply and am also the reason someone else feels this way.

How do you actually feel about being alone?

• A. I genuinely enjoy my own company.
• B. Being alone with my thoughts is where the spiral lives.
• C. Alone is my favorite state of being, no notes.
• D. I crave alone time until I get it, then I feel unbearably lonely.

Someone gives you a genuine compliment or says something really loving. Your gut reaction is:

• A. Thank you, I receive that.
• B. What do they want from me.
• C. Okay, that's a lot, let's change the subject.
• D. I don't believe you, but please say it again.

Your ideal Sunday with a partner looks like:

• A. A mix of together time and doing our own thing under the same roof.
• B. As much togetherness as humanly possible, or I start to worry.
• C. Mostly my own thing, with maybe dinner together later.
• D. I want to plan the whole day together and also I might cancel last minute.

When something good happens in the relationship, what's the very next thought?

• A. This is nice. I'm just going to enjoy it.
• B. How long until this goes wrong.
• C. Okay but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
• D. I'm happy, which means I should probably start preparing for the other shoe to drop.

Last one. If your attachment style could send one text to your last situationship, what would it say?

• A. “I had a great time getting to know you, whatever happens next.”
• B. “Why haven't you texted me back, are we okay, please just tell me we're okay.”
• C. “Hey, I think I need some space.”
• D. “I miss you. Don't contact me.”